Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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