Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
