i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
