Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
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I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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