Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
