Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your penis caused this!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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