Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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