The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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