they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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