This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
