apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
