You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
