When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I need water and some morals
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
