I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize