it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
