see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
