Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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