Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
