i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
