so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
