where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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