he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
