i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
