Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
