$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
