Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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