I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
