what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
