I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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