it was like his penis was on wheels.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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