so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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