Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
