A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
