Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
