very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
