i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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