Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
