went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize