Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
