bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
