My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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