And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
