Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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