i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk is not a location!
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