what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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