honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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