I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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