He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
