She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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