Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
