You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Randomize
