I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
