well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
