apparently the secret to your success is patron
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
