that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
