why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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