After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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