I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
