Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
