I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk is not a location!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
