This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
