Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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