Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
