After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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