I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
