so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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