Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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