Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I look better un-naked...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
