Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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