Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
