u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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