Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
