Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
